Presuming Positive Intent

Intention.

What is intention? The goal or purpose behind a specific action or set of actions.

Everyday we make choices about our actions - some are intentional and some are not. We make a choice to act a certain way, or sometimes we act without intention. Maybe the actions are far less important than how they are perceived by others.

Perception v. Reality.

The phrase “perception is reality” was created by political consultant, Lee Atwater in the 1980s. It means don't worry about the facts, if you can get people to believe something it becomes a de facto fact. That is a painful political truism. But what does that mean for interpersonal relationships. It may translate into reading into situations long after they’ve happened, adding layers of meaning that might not even be there. We humans often default to negative attribution bias. But, wouldn’t life be better if we presume positive intent?

What does it mean to presume positive intent?

Presuming positive intent means always starting from the idea that a person meant well or was doing their best, no matter what they say or do. It isn’t easy. Try it out for a week and let me know how it goes.

  • the person who bumps into you on the street - maybe they are running home to pick up a sick child or help an aging parent

  • the friend who forgets your birthday, doesn’t call, or send a card may be struggling with an illness

  • the non response to a text message or response lacking care or attention might be more about dealing with a family matter or a work issue than anything else

It isn’t easy. But by assuming negative intent we only hurt ourselves. We spend so much time in our heads constructing scenarios, we lose the ability to act with good intention towards everyone else. Assigning blame and malicious intent is a habit, and requires conscious effort to break. It takes practice to figure out how to interpret people’s actions but if we can all begin to assume good intentions by default, we will feel happier. We have total control over how to choose to respond to any given situation. Yes, there are inconsiderate and thoughtless people, but rarely do the people you know and love deliberately try to cause hurt or harm.

Practice assuming the best in people, particularly those you know and love.

Presume positive intent. For their sake. And yours.